Wednesday 17th January – back on the horse
My parents have left and Filly is in bed. This is the first time I’ve spent a night alone since my diagnosis, I’m not quite sure how I feel, but I’m writing this now as a distraction as I’ve already spent too much time on google looking at prognoses. Do you know there are actual calculators where you can input your stage and type of tumour and your treatment plan and they will give you a percentage change of being disease free in 5-10 years. I’ve quickly decided to never look at them again, not sure how long this resolution will last though. One of the many problems with cancer is that no one will give you any guarantees; I just want someone to tell me it will all be ok and I can get rid of this.
Having my parents to stay was fun, I’m lucky they are both practical and will happily take my mind off things but they also want to know exactly what is happening so they listen to me when I have a whinge or need to chat through operation choices or treatments. I took them for lunch on Monday, they’d never had Japanese food before so we went back to Wagamamas to ease them in. My father loved the Ramen and the Korean beef buns, my mum and I both had curries (vegan for me) but the nicest thing on this visit was the mushroom and panko aubergine buns – they were delicious and smoky, almost meaty and the buns were as light as I’d hoped.
On Tuesday my mum cooked her brilliant Butternut, kale and peanut curry – I’d asked her if she’d make it before she came to stay. We ate it with my dad’s homemade carrot and courgette Bhajis (got to keep the veg count up) and poppadoms. It was a total feast and my mum’s curry was definitely the star. I think I shall ask her to make it for each chemo cycle (Mum??)
Unfortunately on Monday and Tuesday evenings I still needed to have my Nivestim injections. My father seemed unusually nervous about this, my dad is one of those people, annoyingly my brother is the same, who can turn their hand to anything. He’s a total whizz with DIY and rebuilt 2 17th century farmhouses, with more than a little help from my mum, and often gets above 30 points on Popmaster. He watched Ally jab me on Sunday and followed the plan on Monday perfectly, Tuesday however, the silly old bugger accidentally let go of the inch he was meant to be pinching and stabbed away anyway! Thankfully it really didn’t hurt too much but the guilt my dad now feels should be worth making the most of!
The best thing to happen this week though was this morning’s ride with Blue, which was my first since treatment began. We went out as usual with my very good friend and her wonderful mare Ella; neither of the horses had been out for about a week and they were certainly fresh. We decided to take a nice easy circuit through the woods, it is a route we do on foggy days as there isn’t much roadwork. Unfortunately though we hadn’t realised that the scary monsters were also taking the same route as us, they were popping out behind trees and fences, and then the pheasants and terrible chaffinches decided to do the same and before we knew it Ella was cantering sideways trying to make her escape and Bluey was bucking like a bronco. The daft pair continued like this for the rest of the ride, we should know better but we both love the adrenaline rush from when the horses play up. It certainly made me smile and is the perfect tonic to all of the treatment chaos; I really hope that I can continue to ride during treatment, it keeps me sane and happy.
Ps. This photo was taken during the snow in December, but it’s the same route as we took this week, I didn’t have a chance to take a photo this time!